Draft 1

Mike, the elite cyber hacker from the Dilldoid Hacking Crew, was a wanted criminal. He had a cybernetic computer interface built into his nipples, and he used it to hack into the Pentagon and take a huge shit all over everyone's desks. He also fought a laser possum battle against Hank Kissinger, and he exploded Hank's genitals with a wicked DDoS attack.

Now Mike was in deep shit. He had hacked into the White House, and he was about to face the biggest evil in the world: Dan Tromp, the sentient leather Cheeto with small hands and a big ego.

Dan was very stupid, yet very confident. He loved himself and thought that he was the best. He was also very dangerous. He had a team of cyber ninjas at his disposal, and he was not afraid to use them.

Mike knew that he was in for a fight. He took a deep breath and prepared to face his nemesis.

Dan Tromp entered the room, and he immediately started talking.

"I know who you are," he said. "You're the Dilldoid Hacker. You're the one who hacked into the Pentagon and took a shit all over my desk. You're also the one who fought a laser possum battle against Hank Kissinger and exploded his genitals with a wicked DDoS attack.

"Well, I'm here to tell you that you're in big trouble. I'm going to have you arrested and thrown in jail for the rest of your life. And when I do, I'm going to make sure that you suffer."

Mike smiled. "You're going to have to catch me first," he said.

Dan laughed. "Oh, I'll catch you," he said. "I have a team of cyber ninjas at my disposal, and they're the best in the business. They'll track you down and bring you to me. And when they do, I'm going to make you pay."

Mike turned and walked away. He knew that Dan was right. He had to get out of there before the cyber ninjas caught him.

He ran down the hall, and he could hear the cyber ninjas close behind him. He turned a corner, and he saw a door. He ran to the door and opened it. He found himself in a large room, and in the center of the room was a computer terminal.

Mike ran to the computer terminal and started typing. He hacked into the White House security system, and he disabled the cameras and alarms. He then opened a secret door in the back of the room. He ran through the door, and he found himself in a tunnel.

Mike ran down the tunnel, and he could hear the cyber ninjas getting closer. He ran as fast as he could, and he finally reached the end of the tunnel. He burst out of the tunnel and found himself outside. He took a deep breath of fresh air, and he knew that he was safe.

Mike had defeated Dan Tromp, and he had saved the world. But he knew that this was just the beginning. There would be other threats, and he would have to be ready for them. But for now, he was just going to enjoy his victory.

Mike walked away, and he smiled. He knew that he was a hero.

Draft 2

Mike, the Dilldoid Hacker, was a wanted man. He was a cyber-terrorist, a master of disguise, and a kung fu expert. He had hacked into the Pentagon, the CIA, and even the White House. He was a thorn in the side of the government, and they were determined to bring him down.

Mike was sitting in his apartment, watching the news. They were talking about the latest terrorist attack, which had been blamed on him. Mike sighed. He was tired of being hunted. He just wanted to live a normal life.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Mike froze. He knew it was the government. They had finally found him.

Mike slowly got up and walked to the door. He took a deep breath and opened it.

There, standing in the doorway, was Hank Kissinger. He was a former Secretary of State, and he was now the head of the government's cyber-security team.

"Mike," Kissinger said. "We've been expecting you."

Mike smiled. "I'm glad you're here," he said. "I've been waiting for you."

Kissinger raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"I'm ready to surrender," Mike said. "I'm tired of running. I just want to live a normal life."

Kissinger smiled. "That's good to hear," he said. "We're here to help you."

Kissinger and Mike walked out of the apartment and into a waiting car. The car drove to the government's headquarters, where Mike was taken to a secure room.

Mike sat down in a chair and Kissinger sat down across from him. "So," Kissinger said. "Tell me about yourself."

Mike told Kissinger his story. He told him about how he had become a hacker, and about his various exploits. Kissinger listened intently.

When Mike was finished, Kissinger stood up and walked over to a window. He looked out at the city below.

"You're a very talented young man," Kissinger said. "You could have done great things with your life."

Mike nodded. "I know," he said. "But I made some mistakes. I'm not proud of them, but I can't change the past."

"That's true," Kissinger said. "But you can change the future. You can start over. We can help you do that."

Mike looked up at Kissinger. "You're serious?" he asked.

"Of course I'm serious," Kissinger said. "We want to help you. We want you to be a productive member of society."

Mike smiled. "Thank you," he said. "I appreciate that."

Kissinger smiled back. "You're welcome," he said. "Now, let's get started."

Mike spent the next few months in a government rehabilitation program. He learned how to use his skills for good, and he eventually got a job as a security consultant. He lived a quiet life for many years, and he never hacked into anything again.

But one day, he got a call from Kissinger.

"Mike," Kissinger said. "We need your help."

"What's wrong?" Mike asked.

"Dan Tromp is back," Kissinger said. "He's more powerful than ever before. We need you to stop him."

Mike sighed. "I thought I was done with this," he said.

"I know," Kissinger said. "But this is too important. You're the only one who can stop him."

Mike thought for a moment. "Okay," he said. "I'll do it."

Mike flew to Washington, D.C., and met with Kissinger. They devised a plan to stop Tromp.

The next day, Mike went to the White House. He hacked into the security system and disabled the guards. He then made his way to the Oval Office.

Tromp was sitting at his desk, gloating. He thought he was invincible.

Mike walked into the office and stood in front of Tromp.

"You're finished," Mike said.

Tromp laughed. "You think you can stop me?" he asked. "I'm the most powerful man in the world."

"Not anymore," Mike said.

Mike drew a cyber knife and lunged at Tromp. Tromp tried to defend himself, but Mike was too quick. He stabbed Tromp in the heart, and Tromp fell to the ground, dead.

Mike stood over Tromp's body. He had finally